Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit  and a  conniption fit, and that you don't "have" them, you "PITCH"  them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard  greens, turnip  greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." ... and we ain't  given  our secrets away to no Yankees.

Only a Southerner  can show or  point out to you the general direction of  "yonder."

Only a Southerner  knows exactly how long  "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back  directly." The Cornish also know  this secret, but they 'ain't tellin'  either.

Even Southern  babies know that "gimme some sugar" is not a  request for the white, granular  sweet substance that sits in a pretty  little bowl in the middle of the  table.

All Southerners know  exactly when "by and by" is.  They might not use the term, but they  know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that  the  best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate  of hot fried  chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the  neighbor's trouble is a real  crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference   between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down  the  road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both   knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and  po'  white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the  car  with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a  turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a  noun, a  verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make  friends while standing in  lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when  we're "in line,"  we talk to everybody!

In the South,  y'all" is singular or  plural, "all y'all " is plural .

Southerners know grits come from corn  and how to  eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs,  bacon,  grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy  is also a  breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a  breakfast  food.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught  myself  lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine  Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet  milk."  Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not  like  our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want  buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just  say,  "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

To those of  you  who are still a little embarrassed by our Southerness:
Take two  tent revivals  and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.

Bless your  heart!

And to thos e of you who are still having a  hard  time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I  hear they are  fixin' to have classes on Southerness as a Second  Language!

And last but certainly not least, for those that  are NOT  born Southern but

have lived here for a long, long time, all y'all  need  a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads

"I ain't  originally from the South, but I got here as fast as I   could."

Bless your heart, all y'all have a good  'un (blessed  day)!